The Best Way To Show You Care? Give Feedback.

estimated reading time: 3-4 minutes

In case you ever needed another reason to give feedback as a leader, I’m going to give you another - but don’t worry, I’ll tell you how to do it too.

Nothing says “I care about you” more than giving feedback does - and so, nothing else builds trust, connection, and rapport as well and quickly as giving feedback does for managers and their people.

You see, only people who care about you care enough to give you feedback.

We are all familiar with the discomfort and awkwardness of giving or receiving feedback. We are afraid of how people will receive it, what if they get defensive, or worse - they cry. It also makes us extremely uncomfortable - being the bearer of bad news or being somewhat responsible for ruining someone’s mood.

So when you give feedback as a leader, it shows that you are willing to risk the discomfort to tell others the truth, all in the name of helping them become better versions of themselves.

If that doesn’t exhibit care, I don’t know what else does.

A person who doesn’t care about you doesn’t care about your improvement, they don’t care if you keep making the same mistakes or are hurting your own success. They definitely do not care enough to tell you difficult truths, especially if it’s at the expense of their own comfort.

The No. 1 Relationship Builder Out There

So I mean it when I say, giving feedback as a leader is the number one relationship building tool out there for managers. It ticks all the boxes perfectly - and it works quickly.

Firstly, it exhibits genuine care, and we know that every meaningful and positive relationship requires care at it’s foundations.

Secondly, it’s centered around work. I meet so many managers looking for opportunities to bond. They look to small talk, asking about weekends, but at the same time worry about over stepping boundaries. None of that comes into play using feedback. The opportunities present themselves every single day, with every piece of work that is accomplished.

Lastly, it helps people improve, making your job easier. Isn’t it just a manager’s dream to have effective, productive, and capable team members who take initiative? How good would that be? Well unless you’re blessed, none of this happens by chance. The only way a leader gets that is if they nurture it out of their people through feedback: fixing mistakes, reinforcing good behaviours, and tweaking existing ones.

The Easy Way To Get Started

Feedback is always a tricky one. When most people think of feedback, they think of sitting in a room, across a desk (sometimes with HR), and going on for an hour about ways to improve.

That’s not what we’re talking about.

I believe that feedback can (and should) happen in much more casual situations and doesn’t have to always be about improvement either, especially if you’re just getting started.

Start with Positive Reinforcement

There are a couple of ways we can help people get better.

1. Remove impediments and restrictive elements
2. Increase output through improving skills, knowledge, and tools
3. Having them do more of the good things that they’re already doing

The 3rd way is the easiest way for us to break into the feedback habit, and one we always teach leaders to start with: reinforcing the positive behaviours.

Were they punctual for a meeting? Give them feedback on that:

“I’ve noticed you’re always on time to meetings, it really makes a great impression on those who work with you - keep doing that!”

Did they ask a good question in a meeting? Give them feedback on that:

“Great question in the meeting by the way, it really helped me see the problem in a way I didn’t before - please put your hand up more often!”.

Wouldn’t it feel great to receive feedback like that from a manager? Wouldn’t you be ready to do it again the very next opportunity you had, and every subsequent opportunity after that? That’s the power of a little positive feedback.

What about the relationship? Would you instantly feel validated and a little closer to the person who had told you that?

I always hang my head when I ask leaders when the last time they gave someone positive feedback was. I think about how many small and helpful behaviours never get repeated because nobody noticed, and reinforced it. How many small opportunities to build connection and rapport just lost into the void.

So... start there.

Give feedback as often as possible, starting with positive behaviours that you can notice, acknowledge, and reinforce.

Good luck!

Feedback is one of the staple interventions we teach in our relationship accelerator program for leaders.

Whenever you’re ready, here’s how I can help you:

Explore My Relationship Accelerator program for leaders:

→ If you’re still struggling to unlock the potential of your people and would like to make some meaningful change - our relationship accelerator program helps your leaders learn all they need to know about building effective relationships to drive success - in one day. Check it out here.

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