How Do Managers Get Comfortable Giving Feedback (Especially the Tough Kind)

Giving feedback isn't always easy, especially when it's the kind that makes your stomach twist a little before you say it out loud. I've been there. I've had those moments in the past where I rehearse what I want to say, hoping I don't mess it up or make things worse.

But then you see someone else do it—some manager who just delivers feedback so naturally. Calm, clear, even kind when it needs to be. You wonder, How do they do that without sounding harsh or losing their nerve?

Here's what I've learned: they didn't start that way. None of us do. They just got comfortable over time through practice and trust.

Confidence comes with reps. Trust comes with consistency.

Remember, you don't magically become a great feedback-giver overnight. It's a process, much like building a muscle. The more you do it, the stronger and more natural it feels. Be patient with yourself and your team as you all grow together.

Confidence, in my experience, comes from reps. Trust comes from showing up consistently. This has a ripple effect across your entire team.

And over time, your team learns to trust where you're coming from. They start to see that your feedback isn't just about pointing out what's wrong; it's about helping them grow, succeed, and feel seen.

Want a simple way to start? Begin with appreciation.

So many of us were trained—whether by experience or bad bosses—that feedback only shows up when there's a problem. But that doesn't build trust. It builds defensiveness.

Flip the script. Look for things your team is doing well and say them out loud.

"Hey, I noticed how you handled that tricky client call. You were very calm and clear. Nicely done."
or
"I really appreciate how you jumped in to help on that deadline. That didn't go unnoticed. Thank you!"

It might feel small, but it matters. It tells people, 'I see you. I value you.' And that makes the hard conversations down the line much easier to hear because they already know you're on their side.

Then, don't wait for perfection.

It's important to remember that you won't get it 100% right every single time. And that's okay. You will get it wrong sometimes. We all do. I've definitely stumbled through conversations that didn't go as I had hoped. But what matters is that you keep trying. Every conversation is an opportunity to learn and grow.

What matters is that you keep trying. Every conversation is an opportunity to build your skills and strengthen your relationships.

Want to get better? Keep showing up. Keep giving feedback. Learn from what lands well and what doesn't. Practice saying the thing that feels awkward but necessary. Remember, the only way to get great at giving feedback… is to give it. And with each conversation, you're getting better and better.

Because the only way to get great at giving feedback… is to give it.

And one day, without even realising it, you'll be the manager others look at and think: How do they make it look so easy?

Whenever you're ready, here's how we can help:

Check out our Feedback Factor Program for Managers

It's a proven system designed to help managers (just like you) get better at giving clear, constructive feedback that actually makes a difference, without the stress or second-guessing.

You'll learn simple, practical tools to:

• Change behaviours

• Strengthen teamwork

• And have the kind of conversations that build trust and drive results

Learn more here or drop me a line at [email protected] if you'd like to chat.