How Trust Is Really Built (Hint: It’s Not During the Good Times)

It’s easy to be a good manager when everything’s going swimmingly. All you have to do is show up, cheer people on, and everything ticks along nicely.

In those moments, it’s easy to think, “I’ve cracked it. I’ve figured out what good leadership looks like.” But before you start patting yourself on the back, here’s something worth remembering — being a good manager when everything’s going well doesn’t say all that much.

The real test of leadership isn't how you show up when everything is going according to plan. It’s how you lead when it isn’t.

The Moments That Make or Break Managers

Unfortunately, when things get shaky, that’s when a lot of leaders lose their heads, and in some cases, reveal their true colours.

They panic.

They get defensive.

They shut down.

They start blaming, finger-pointing, or micromanaging.

Or they just go completely quiet and hope it all blows over.

I’ve seen it happen more times than I’d like to admit. And every time, it’s tough on everyone involved.

 You can spend months, even years, building trust, showing up for your team, and creating a strong, positive culture…only to risk losing it all in a single moment.

 Because all it takes is one tough situation handled the wrong way —whether you ignore it, avoid it, or come down too hard —and all that goodwill you've built can fade quickly.

 And once that happens? People start to question whether you’re the leader they thought you were.

Your Team Is Watching

Your team isn't blind. They can tell when things are not going as planned. They don't expect you to have all the solutions, but they do look to you for honesty, steadiness, and respect.

When you lash out, withdraw, or try to gloss over what’s clearly a problem, it sends the wrong message: I can’t handle this. And this doesn’t inspire confidence that you’re the person to steer the ship.

But more than anything, people want to feel respected. They want to know that their concerns are heard, their efforts matter, and that you have the integrity to lead even when things are hard. When they're not respected…they don't stick around.

Stay Calm. Be Honest. Lead With Care.

So, what should you do instead?

First, breathe. The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be steady.

Your team doesn’t need a superhero. They need a steady hand. This isn’t about putting on a brave face or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about showing your team that even when things go wrong, you’ll face it head-on.

The next is honesty. The best leaders don’t shy away from hard conversations. But they also don’t come charging in with emotion leading the way.

That might look like saying:

“This isn’t where we expected to be — but here’s what we know.”

“I need to talk to you about something difficult, but it’s coming from a place of care.”

“Let’s look at this together and figure out what we do next.”

That’s leadership people trust.

Leadership Isn’t About Being Perfect — It’s About Being Intentional

Now, I'm not saying you must get it right 100% of the time. We're all human. I've messed up before, too. Mistakes happen. But you need to be intentional.

You need to be able to say:

• “This isn’t working.”

• “Something needs to change.”

• Let’s talk about the tough stuff.”

You need to say it in a way that’s calm, honest, and rooted in care, rather than reactivity or frustration. That’s where real leadership lives.

Not in the easy weeks, but in the hard conversations. Not just when we're winning, but when we're working through the mess. And if we can show up for our teams in those moments? That’s when trust is built. And that’s when the real growth happens.

Whenever you're ready, here's how we can help:

Want to get better at handling the hard stuff?

→ Explore our programs on feedback, conflict, and difficult conversations for managers. Practical, proven, and built for real-world challenges.

Or reach out directly at [email protected] — I'd love to hear from you.