Pay Attention to Micro-Interactions

Reading time: 3-4 minutes

Opportunities for connection at work are abundant - chances are you’re just missing them.

A common struggle I come across with leaders I work with is, “I know relationship building is important, but don’t have the time.”.

I completely agree. There isn’t enough time - that’s if you are thinking about having deep, meaningful, conversations with your team members as your primary form of relationship building.

But what if I told you the foundations of relationships aren’t built in deep conversations?

Think about parents and their children.

Sure, there are more significant events that cement the intimacy of the relationship between parent and child: childbirth (duh), birthdays, comforting them when they encounter failure, looking after them when they’re ill, occasional deep conversations.

But when you look at it. The bulk of the relationship is formed in the every-day interactions. Consistent little gestures, stretched over years, that demonstrate love and care.

Making breakfast in the mornings, picking up kids from school, letting their kids the last piece of food on the platter. Even just the way a parent looks at their kids with love in their eyes each day. It’s never those big events, but all these things that eventually accumulate, showing to those children - “My parents love me”.

Which leads us to the essence of this article:

The foundations of relationships at work are built in the little things. We call them micro-interactions.

Micro-Interactions at Work

They are the hundreds of little touch points between team mates each day. Little touch points that most leaders miss.

Every time you speak to a team mate. Every time you see them. Every time you interact with them online or in-person. That is a micro-interaction.

Yes, every time.

Of course, not all interactions are the same. Some are more serious and related to work tasks, like meetings or email correspondence. Some are more trivial, like walking past people in the corridor, “water-cooler conversations”.

Every single one of them matters.

Every single touch point with a teammate presents you with an opportunity to build on, or reinforce, the relationship. So naturally, each touch point also presents the risk of harming the relationship.

As a leader you are either helping or harming relationships.

Each time you are faced with another person at work, you are faced with a choice:

1. To use that micro-interaction to build trust:
Interact with authenticity, empathy, and warmth.

Or,

2. To use that micro-interaction to damage trust:
Interact with judgement, cast blame, to bully and berate, showing displeasure (rolling eyes, folding arms, scoffing, sarcasm). *List of small responses like these that corrode trust and safety will probably be an article on its own - there are too many.

What, No In-Between?

Really? Only help or harm, no in-between?

Can’t we have “neutral” interactions? Nope. Here’s why.

Let us consider what a “neutral” interaction would be. Neutral = Indifference.

And who likes to feel like someone is indifferent to them? Not me that’s for sure. Indifference in a relationship can be more damaging than a negative interaction. At least with negative interactions there is something to work on, or you can tell that people at least care.

Indifference kills relationships. It’s the “I don’t care if you stay or leave” attitude that hurts most. The lack of recognition to their humanity or their importance.

You’d almost rather someone hate you than be indifferent to you.

So no. We don’t want “neutral” micro-interactions.

Wrapping Up Micro-Interactions

So managers need to switch on. Start being conscious of how you are interacting with people each day.

Too many leaders do the opposite.

They will take extra care to being understanding and relatable during only the very occasional occurrences, performance reviews, one-on-one chats, company dinners, and company retreats. But pay no regard to how they treat their people day-to-day.

They chalk up daily bad behaviour to the stressors of work, or that it is part-and-parcel of working in the industry/company, with no regard for relationship building - before attempting to work on those relationships during one-a-year activities. Naively assuming it’s enough to make up for the thousands of interactions that show otherwise.

Don’t make that mistake.

Character shows up in little consistent actions over time. It’s about how you show up time and time again.

With every micro-interaction, approach it with kindness, authenticity, and empathy.

Remember, like the parent and their child. It’s never the big gestures that build relationship, but all the little things along the way.

Whenever you’re ready, here’s how I can help you:

Explore My Relationship Accelerator program for leaders:

→ If you’re still struggling to unlock the potential of your people and would like to make some meaningful change - our relationship accelerator program helps your leaders learn all they need to know about building effective relationships to drive success - in one day. Check it out here.

Or reach out at [email protected]