Want to Build Better Relationships at Work? Give Feedback.

Read time: 4-5 minutes

If you’ve ever managed anybody you will be familiar with this problem:

You know that forging closer relationships with your team is important. But how exactly do you connect with them?

Probing about their lives outside work seems inappropriate or uncomfortable, and you don’t want to impose. But other than that, all there is to talk about is work.

So what can managers do to build closer relationships with their team?

The “Work” of Work-Life

I get it, trying to force conversations about your subordinates’ lives outside work can feel strange and outright inappropriate.

We assume that to connect with others we have to connect outside of work.

Not only do I believe that’s untrue. I believe the route to deeper connection at work, is to lean into the work side of their work-life.

How many work-related touch-points do you have with your team members each day?

Compare that with the amount of “life” related touch-points you have. Most importantly, work-related touch points happen organically, you don’t have to force it out of someone at the water-cooler, or go for lunch with them to bring it up.

The reason that most managers struggle to find opportunities to connect, is that they haven’t learned to powerfully leverage work, and it’s collaborative nature, to build relationships.

The Personal Side of Work

But you don’t really get to know people by just talking about work - right?

I think we often forget how big a part of our lives work is. Not just for it’s monetary value - but for what is says about a person. What are their strengths? What do they want out of life? What do they enjoy? What is important to them?

So you see, work, and how we choose to make a living is highly personal - and because of that, we can really get to know people through it.

Leveraging Work for Relationship Building

So how exactly do we start using work to build relationships with those in our charge? With feedback, and helping them get better at what they do.

Now, it’s not for the purpose of getting more productivity, or squeezing more out of them. I want you to give feedback with the genuine intention of helping them get more out of life.

Generally, it works like this:
1. Find out why they work, their aims and motivations.
2. Help them achieve that faster by helping them get better at their job.

We do so by giving as much feedback as we can to as many people as we can. But wait…

Misconceptions About Feedback

“But I would hate to be constantly critiqued for my work!”. You’d be spot on.

I’m not asking you to criticize your team members constantly.

Feedback isn’t criticism.

For the most part, the quality of feedback in society has been so poor across the board that when we think “feedback” we automatically think about being criticized.

Sure, criticism is a form of feedback, but it’s very much an ineffective and unhelpful one.

The feedback I’m talking about is warm, loving, and comes from a place of building others up - rather than tearing them down.

“Keep” Feedback For Relationship Building

When it comes to feedback for building relationship, I want you to start with one simple form of feedback: “Keep” Feedback.

Give feedback on something that somebody should continue, or keep, doing.

You can give “keep” feedback in a couple of ways:
1. Keep - “Keep being such a supportive team mate”
2. Thanks - “Thanks for always being such a supportive team mate”
3. Appreciate - “I really appreciate all the support you give the rest of the team”

3 different ways to send the same message. You’ve been doing something great. I notice and acknowledge it. I show appreciation for it.

A few things are going to happen.

First, the person receiving it is going to feel awesome. Everyone likes feeling acknowledged and appreciated, especially if it’s for something they’ve been trying hard at.

Second, they’re going to be so much more likely to do the same in the future. This is the part where you’re helping them get better at their job. They’ll know that you’re invested in their success in their roles. When that comes form your boss - it’s a big deal.

Last, and most importantly, you are instantly going to feel closer. If you’ve ever had someone tell you how much they appreciate you, you’d know about the instant connection you feel. A small statement like that shows that you recognize them and their value, and reinforces your investment in their success. How much closer do you feel to the people who show they believe in you?

This last part is what’s going to transform your relationships.

Finishing Up

Embrace the work-side of people’s lives, give feedback, and nurture the relationship from there.

Will you still have those chances to talk about life outside work, and try to get to know them better that way? Sure! But work is always going to be there, and so will your chance to give feedback.

This week, go give some “keep” feedback. For something that has such a lasting impact on people and relationships, it only ever takes a couple of seconds.

Whenever you’re ready, here’s how I can help you:

Explore My Relationship Accelerator program for leaders:

→ If you’re still struggling to unlock the potential of your people and would like to make some meaningful change - our relationship accelerator program helps your leaders learn all they need to know about building effective relationships to drive success - in one day. Check it out here.

Or reach out at [email protected]